Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
