I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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