Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
