If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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