he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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