you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
