all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
