I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
