I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
