Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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