i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
