Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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