He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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