i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
