Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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