I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
