My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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