nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
