Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
