So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
