i drank out of a bidet.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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