He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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