4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
