Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
