My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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