I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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