i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
