Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
