I'm so fucking centered right now
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
