I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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