I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
