Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
