We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
