I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
All I want is dick and wine.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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