I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
