I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I am available for nakedness
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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