Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
