I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
