I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Tell her she can't have a vagina
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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