He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
