I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
