I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
