Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
