Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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