Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
