I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
