Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
