at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
