R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
