I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
