so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i think i have two assholes
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
