and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
