i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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