its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
