does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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