No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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