I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
