just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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