Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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