so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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