I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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