ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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