the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
